The Antagonist

You may be the misfit, the mystic, the visionary, and it is not an easy path. At the same time, no matter how hard you try, you cannot be what you are not. 

It is a natural human instinct to reject what is unfamiliar, strange, or beyond comprehension.  That’s why it takes tremendous courage to be a non-conformist.  Even if you had done nothing wrong other than honoring your values and integrity, even if the way others treat you is entirely unjust, situations where you are being silenced, misjudged, or attacked may still evoke intense feelings of vulnerabilities and shame, especially if they touch on some of your unhealed childhood injuries. 

Can you stay true to your values and live with full integrity, without being attacked or annihilated? 

When we are triggered, it is easy to get into a psychologically collapsed state and allow one unpleasant experience to take over your entire reality.  This happens because you are in shock and your fight/flight/freeze system gets activated, and you are having a nauseating upside-down flip of perception. The world suddenly becomes a dark tunnel with no end, the ground is shaking, and you feel unable to stand on our own two feet. However, if you can take a step back and look at the full picture, you will see that the interpersonal injury, however painful, is not pervasive. 

To practise not losing perspective is not to lose sight of the good even as the ‘bad’ happens. I am not saying that the good can fix the bad, or that love cures it all. But it is important to hold somewhere in your mind that one person’s disapproval of you does not bleed into all other areas of your life. This is not about positive thinking, but REALISTIC THINKING. After all, it is not all good, but it is not all bad either. Someone’s negative opinion of you does not take away all the love, kindness and goodness in your life. 

Not everyone can see your sparkles, receive your light, and love your intensity. And that's okay.  A flower does not blossoms dependent on who walks by. Shine as you are, and those who are attracted to your qualities will come to you.  

In fact, the times when you feel the most vulnerable are the golden opportunities for you to practice grounding in all that is intact, pleasant and loving in your life. Anchoring yourself in love is not just an intellectual exercise. It goes beyond mere recognition, but genuinely internalising the love and the warmth, feeling them in your body and making the message ‘I am a lovable, worthy, dignified human being’ a part of your inner reality.

Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson suggests that we make conscious effort to internalise positive and loving everyday experiences: when you feel someone’s affection, love and respect for you, you can reinforce the positive neuro-pathways by taking in 5, 10, or more seconds to protect and stay with these experiences and open to them in your body. The longer and more intensely these good feelings are reinforced, the more you are ‘wiring’ inner strength into your brain, and they eventually form the source of your self-reliance, emotional balance, and confidence. This is known as positive neuro-plasticity.

Another useful reminder when we are in the midst of a toxic psychic attack is that however unpleasant, these experiences are not permanent.   However intense your feelings are, be mindful of thoughts that involve words such as ‘always’ and ‘never,' as they can reinforce a rigid storyline and breed feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness.  Would anyone take notice of this with time’s passing? Would it matter in 5, ten years time?   Any moment gives you an opportunity to change your story, and there is no ‘rest of my life,' no ‘for years.' It hurts, and it passes. When it does, you will still be standing firm in your integrity. 

“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.” 
― Paulo Coelho  

The antagonist

This is the second part of the Story Exercise we started last week.

Every story has an antagonist. This is the “opposing force” that is creating conflict or friction with the protagonist.

Try to identify .the ‘antagonists’ in your character’s story. It could be actual people, groups, a concept, or a mental block.

Some of the examples are: A lover, a manager, a colleague, a friend. A social judgement, a culture, a religion or a tradition. A negative behavioural pattern, belief, mindset. A physical or mental illness, a recurring event.

Visualise these antagonists in your journal- either by drawing them out or choosing imageries to represent them.