UN-DENIAL
After a lifetime of focusing on protecting our parents and family, putting ourselves first may feel selfish at first.
Initially, we experience guilt, shame, grief, and anger.
Our society and our well meaning friends and relatives might urge us to forget about the trauma we experienced.
But denial is not a solution. When we deny what had happened to us, we do not forget it.
Our trauma is stored in our bodies in frozen form. It might have been what we needed to do to survive a childhood trauma, but it sets a harmful trap.
Many of us remain stuck in a dynamic because of the family’s investment in denying the problem, so they do not have to acknowledge the painful reality. They remain blind to their own shortcoming, refusing the responsibility in creating a dysfunctional dynamic.
Even as adults, our parents’ inability to own their part, coupled with society’s judgement and encouragement towards false forgiveness, would leave us in a place where we feel we are being tripped over every day in the same place but there was never an apology.
Whatever was the cause of our parents’ behaviours, be it their own childhood trauma or personality limitations, does not negate the pain we have suffered. It is not our job as children to find excuses for them.
Letting go of the past does not mean we have to like them, or be their friends.
It means setting reasonable boundary, but most importantly,
honouring your truth.
Today’s Experiment: What Do You See?
In today’s experiment, we will employ a powerful photographic projective technique to explore the memories, thoughts and feelings you carry.
In a quiet space, look each of the following pictures.
Choose one to three that you have an emotional reaction to.
Be aware of any bodily feelings, thoughts, memories that come up for you.
Then, complete the following sentences for each of your chosen images.
“When I see this photo, I find myself feeling ____.”
“ ____ part of my body tenses up.”
“ It is reminding me of _____.”
“If I could give this photo to someone, it would be ______.”
“If I could change something about it, it would be _____.”
“If I could place myself in the picture, I would be _______.”
“If this photo could speak, it would likely say _______.”
“If this picture is a message for me, it would be ______.”
“ I would title this picture _____.”
