your true self
The idea of a ‘True Self’ vs a ‘False Self’ was introduced into psychoanalysis by D.W. Winnicott (1960). He used "True Self" to describe a sense of self based on authentic experience, and a feeling of being alive. Unlike our True Self, the False Self is a defensive facade, one which in extreme cases could leave someone feeling dead and empty on the inside.
His theory came from the observation that a neglected baby will blame herself for her parents’ lack of interest, and thereby create an artificial version of herself in the hope of winning their love and attention. While Winnoctt said we develop a ‘False Self’ to please our ‘mother’, here ‘mother’ does not only mean our real mother but any societal or interpersonal demands, as well as the internal pressure that we give ourselves to fit into these external standards.
Building on Winnicott’s idea, psychoanalyst Susie Orbach believes the False Self is a cultural problem. After we have internalised societal ideals, we over-develop certain aspects of ourselves at the expense of our full potential. As a result of an abiding distrust of what emerges spontaneously from our inner being, we experience a mind-body split, suffer from chronic self- doubt, unable to trust our instincts, or stand up to claim a space in the world.
Perhaps the term “False Self" is misleading; it seems to suggest that we intentionally put up a front— and that is not what it was. It may be more useful to rephrase it as ‘an Adapted Self’— a social persona we use when facing the outside world.
To a degree, a healthy Adapted Self allows us to function appropriately as social beings. The ability to comply with convention to some extent is a developmental achievement. The adult who has a healthy Adapted Self does not overexpose his true feelings and thoughts but remain in touch with his true desires and needs. However, while it is healthy to have different ‘persona’ for different settings, there is a limit to how much we can stifle our truths.
One consequence of over-investing in our False Self is that under oppression, our True Self can get frustrated. According to psychotherapist Alexander Lowen, when our outside self is succumbing to conformity, our inner being will become deviant. The difficulty is that this often happens unconsciously under our repression and denial. If we do not address the issue, this underlying rebellion will eventually erupt by ways of ‘acting out’. This is when we do things that are self- sabotaging or destructive, bypassing our rational mind and against our will. Some examples are addictive patterns, risky behaviours, or unexpected burst of rage.
The Bible says: “No one can serve two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.” Your soul is always aligned with your real, authentic, intense and sensitive True Self, and any minute you invest in building, sustaining, and presenting your facade, you will experience an internal split. Our physical and emotional bodies will tell us when we are in our False Self for too long.
🍃“I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.”
― Madonna
TODAY”S EXPERIMENT: THE Russian Doll exercise
In your visual journal, draw of outline for five Russian Dolls.
Then, use your colour pens to fill them in.
In visual form, illustrate these different sides of you. You can add words and adjectives next to them.
Starting with the outermost doll representing the ‘you’ that everyone sees, you can explore the different layers that make up your ‘self’, including:
The you that everyone sees
The you that people imagine you to be when they first met you
The you that your close friends and loved ones see
The you that only your family of origin see
The you that only you see